Cheesy Stuffed Mushrooms

Hello, boys and girls!

Welcome to cooking with Varun! Back in 2011, when I was living in Antrim, Northern Ireland, I was discovering the joys of being a housekeeper. Living with Big-Talking-UPite, and Beer-Chugging-Goan, it wasn't hard to fit myself into the role, since they were both too lazy to clean up after themselves. At all. Ever. Not once. Nada. But to be a good housekeeper, I first had to get the necessary equipment. So we dialled the local taxi service, commissioned a cab, and 15 minutes later, rolled into the parking lot of the local ASDA looking like a poor man's <insert generic, moderately successful 3 member boy band name here>, albeit a little more homeless, since Big-Talking-UPite refused to shower on weekends (or most other days), and Beer-Chugging-Goan was still half asleep. We walked into the store, headed to the cleaning products aisle, carefully looked at each of the vacuum cleaners on display, and after painstakingly taking into account the weight, the suction, the number of attachments, the width of the head vs. the width of our stairs, the kind of surfaces they would work best on, we bought the cheapest one. It was a little white thing, that cost us 20 quid, and having paired it with a mop, and floor cleaners, we rolled back home.

Over the next few weeks, our vacuum cleaner and I spent some wonderful hours together. Every Sunday, I would wake up before my lazy man children, put my headphones on, crank the volume up on my iPod, and shimmy and shake and make the place spotless. Starting downstairs, in the kitchen, moving to the living room, and then finally up the stairs to the bedrooms. It was the kind of stuff you'd put in a video montage, complete with slow-mo running, and harps playing in the background. Things were going swell, so you can imagine my surprise when one morning, my baby just wouldn't suck the crumbs off the kitchen floor. I swapped the heads, shook it around, but to no avail. As I sat despondent, with my head in my hands, Big-Talking-UPite plodded down the stairs and after a deep swig of his prune juice, enquired about what was making me so very glum. As I described to him the plight of my beloved, and how it wouldn't suck any more, he picked it up, popped it open and informed me that there was nothing wrong, the bag was just full. Relief washed over me in waves (like the ocean on a warm summer's day), and he scooped out the full bag, and replaced it with a fresh one. I lovingly picked my baby up and the video montage resumed, this time with Big-Talking-UPite's face as a shining sun in the top corner, not unlike the baby on the very disturbing Teletubbies show.

Speaking of things that don't suck, this recipe doesn't either, and is really very simple and makes for an excellent appetizer.

For my Cheesy Stuffed Mushrooms, you will need the following:

Mushrooms	12 big
Parmesan	200 gms.
Garlic	5-8 cloves
Spring onions	2
Salt	to taste
Pepper	to taste
Red pepper powder	to taste
Oil

Prep:

1. Separate the stalks from the mushrooms and hollow out the heads.
2. Mince the mushroom stalks.
3. Mince the garlic.
4. Grate the parmesan.
5. Chop up the spring onion greens.
6. Grab a bowl.
7. Plonk in the chopped stalks.
8. Pop in the garlic.
9. Dump in the parmesan. (I usually throw in a couple more melty types depending on what's in the fridge. Usually cheddar or cream cheese.)
10. Sprinkle in some red pepper powder.
11. Add salt and pepper.
12. Mix.

Method:

1. Grab a mushroom in your left hand. (Or right hand if you're left handed.)
2. Grab a spoon in the other.
3. Spoon up the stalk-cheese mixture.
4. Fill in the mushroom heads.
5. Repeat until they are all full.
6. Turn on the gas.
7. Bung a pan on.
8. Splash in some oil.
9. Count to 10.
10. Put the mushrooms in (stuffing side up).
11. Pop a lid on.
12. Cook for ~10 minutes until done. (You see the cheese begin to bubble.)
13. Take the lid off.
14. Turn off the gas.
15. Garnish with spring onion greens.
16. Serve.
17. Stuff face.
18. Bask in the glory of your successfully executed dish.

Tip: You could try and cover the stuffing with some mozzarella. That'll keep the stuffing from oozing out and will make it cheesier. You can also bake the mushrooms in a fan assisted oven at 180 degrees for ~20 mins.

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy!

One Pot Chinese Chicken & Noodles

Hello, boys and girls!

Welcome to cooking with Varun! When I first moved to Solihull, UK, in 2012, I didn't know anybody there, so it was quite a (pleasant) surprise to find that on my first day in the office, there were 2 others, Lazy Author, &  Lecherous Git, who were not only also just as new there as I was, but also from the same part of India that I am. Having found common ground, we filled in our forms, got our IDs, and made plans to pop out into the town center for lunch and get acquainted. Lazy Author brought a teammate along, Badass-Army-Girl, who Lecherous Git automatically took a fancy to. Upon learning she was married, his face dropped faster than a man with food poisoning drops his trousers, and his expression changed to not unlike a man who after sprinting through pouring rain, arrives at the bus stop only to find that he has missed the last bus home. He was a tough nut though, because not 2 minutes later, I caught him eyeing up other girls on the street with a gleeful expression on his face. As it turned out, Lecherous Git was a little too lecherous to be civil company and thankfully after a couple of days, he made other lecherous friends and Lazy Author, Badass-Army-Girl, and I no longer had to contend with his ever wandering, almost hopeful gaze. 

As time went by, Lazy Author and I became fast friends. He was living in a serviced apartment in Birmingham above a really good Chinese restaurant, and most weekends would find us sitting, along with another friend, Skyped-his-infant-daugher-so-much-I'm-surprised-she-recognizes-him-without-a-frame-around-his-face, around his apartment drinking ciders, cooking, or just horsing around. Sometimes we'd sit and discuss the story Lazy Author was working on in the hope that it might one day be published (it's been years since then and he's written about 6 chapters). We'd bounce ideas around, I'd make stupid jokes, Lazy Author would threaten to sit on me if I didn't shut up (I didn't; it almost always ended up in a mock wrestling match), Skyped-his-infant-daugher-so-much-I'm-surprised-she-recognizes-him-without-a-frame-around-his-face would capture videos wondering if we could send the videos in to Funniest Home Videos and win 300 quid, we'd brainstorm some more, and then finally go get food at the Chinese  restaurant or a big bowl of soupy ramen at the Japanese restaurant in the Bullring mall  across the street. Ah, good times!

This recipe combines the food from both restaurants (or attempts to anyway), and is really good for a wintry day.

For my One Pot Chinese Chicken & Noodles, you will need the following:

Chicken breasts	3-4
Green peppers (capsicum)	1
Onion	1
Mushrooms	4-5 big ones
Green chillies	4-5
Garlic	4 cloves
Ginger	1" piece
Chicken stock cubes	4
Cornflour	1 cup
Egg	1
Noodles	300 gm.
Spring (green) onions	3
Salt	to taste
Pepper	to taste
Sugar	to taste
Soy sauce
Vinegar
Oil

Prep:

1. Wash and cut the chicken into cubes.
2. Grab a bowl.
3. Drop in the chicken.
4. Add in enough cornflour to coat the chicken.
5. Beat the egg and add to the bowl.
6. Add salt and pepper to taste.
7. Mix well until the chicken is coated with the cornflour and egg.
8. Vertically slice the chillies.
9. Mince the garlic.
10. Mince the ginger.
11. Cut the green pepper into large cubes.
12. Slice the onion into big pieces.
13. Slice the mushrooms.
14. Chop up the spring onion greens.
15. Dissolve the stock cubes in 4 cups of water.

Method:

1. Turn on the gas and crank it up to high.
2. Bung a pan on.
3. Splash in some oil.
4. Count to 20.
5. Drop in the chicken.
6. Drop the heat to a medium.
7. Shallow fry the chicken until golden. (It's okay if it isn't cooked the way through. It will cook in the pot.)
8. Turn the gas off.
9. Put the pan away.
10. Turn on the gas.
11. Bung a pot (or a deep pan or kadhai) on.
12. Splash in some oil.
13. Count to 20.
14. Slide in the chillies.
15. Toss in the ginger and garlic.
16. Cook until the garlic starts to brown slightly.
17. Pour in the stock.
18. Splash in the soy sauce. (As dark as you want it.)
19. Splash in some vinegar.
20. Mix.
21. Pour in a cup of water.
22. Plonk in the mushrooms, peppers, and onions.
23. Cook for a couple of minutes.
24. Plop in the chicken.
25. Sprinkle on the sugar.
26. Let it simmer for a couple of minutes.
27. Add 3 more cups of water.
28. Pop in the noodles. (Add more water if you need to.)
29. Pop a lid on.
30. Cook until the noodles are done. (There should be a lot of soup in the pot.)
31. Adjust the flavours with soy sauce and vinegar if required.
32. Grab a little cup.
33. Add in a tbsp of cornflour.
34. Splash in some cold water and mix.
35. Stir in the mixture to thicken the soup.
36. Simmer for a few minutes.
37. Turn the gas off.
38. Serve garnished with the spring onion greens.
39. Stuff face.
40. Bask in the glory of your successfully executed dish.

Tip: Taste as you cook this. The water to boil the noodles in dilutes the flavour so you need to keep adjusting it as desired.

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy!