Bread Upma

Hello, boys and girls!

Welcome to cooking with Varun! My weekend routine in Istanbul was pretty tame. On Saturdays, I'd wake late, freshen up, and head to the gym for a painful workout with my big Iraqi friend, Khal Haivan (named because he's a Game of Thrones loving beast). We'd then make the short walk to the mall nearby where we'd eat a ton of junk food to essentially cancel out all our hard work, and then watch a movie at the cinema in the mall at student prices. Khal Haivan was studying to get his masters degree and therefore had a legit student card, and me with my boyish looks and angelic face never raised any red flags so I was never asked for proof. What's odd is, I always went to the same girl at the counter even when I was alone and bought full price tickets but she never questioned it (and with like 6 Indians in the vicinity, it really was most curious). We'd head home after the movie and then meet up again in the evening, joined by a few others, to hit the local bars by the Bosphorous or at the always buzzing Istiklal street where we'd eat, drink, and make merry, and eventually groggily stumble home late in the night.

Sundays were slightly less fun. They began (occasionally) with a steaming portion of regret and a big moan, on account of the shenanigans of the previous night. I would roll slowly out of bed, feel my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and then fix myself a glass of a haldi waala doodh (milk with turmeric) and down that with a Saridon for my headache. Once the pounding had stopped, I'd find my trusty cleaning gear and proceed to spruce up my house until it shone. Then very carefully, I'd tiptoe into the kitchen and fix myself something to eat. Most Sundays, lunch was rajma chawal, but on the odd occasion I wanted something less lunchy, I'd cook an extra large portion of breakfast and call it lunch. Paired with a large glass of milkshake, with my TV shows on the telly, it was the perfect way to spend Sunday until it was time to cook a lavish dinner, after which it was officially time to wallow in self pity because the weekend was over and Monday was just around the corner.

One such go to breakfast masquerading as lunch dish that I cooked was Bread Upma, which apart from being simpler to cook than it is to fall off a boat, is a great way to use up all of your bread even if it has been sitting around for a bit. 

For my Bread Upma you will need the following:

Bread	8-10 slices
Onion	1 small
Tomato	1 small
Green chillies	1
Garlic	1 clove (it is breakfast after all)
Ketchup	2 big squirts from a squeezie bottle
Turmeric (haldi) powder	1/2 tsp
Red chilli powder	1-2 tsp
Water	in a bowl for dunking
Salt	to taste
Lemon juice	big squeeze
Oil

Prep:

1. Chop the onion.
2. Chop the tomato.
3. Chop the chilli.
4. Mince the garlic.

Method:

1. Turn on the gas.
2. Bung a pan on.
3. Splash in some oil.
4. Count to 20.
5. Bounce in the mustard seeds.
6. Roll in the chilli.
7. Shake in the garlic.
8. Pop in the onion.
9. Cook until soft.
10. Plop in the tomato.
11. Sprinkle on the haldi, and red chilli powders.
12. Give the bread slices a quick dunk in a bowl of water, tear them into pieces, and throw them into the pan.
13. Squirt on the ketchup.
14. Add salt to taste.
15. Mix well.
16. Cook for a few minutes.
17. Turn the gas off.
18. Squeeze on some lemon juice.
19. Serve.
20. Stuff face.
21. Bask in the glory of your successfully executed dish.

Tip: White or brown bread is ideal for this. The one with seeds isn't so great. The one I've used in the picture is brown, although white looks prettier!

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy!

Bacon, Cheese, & Jalapeno Stuffed French Toast

Hello, boys and girls!

Welcome to cooking with Varun! There are several mistakes one can make while travelling, and I made a bunch of them on my trip to Paris while I was in Solihull, UK, back in August of 2014. Mistake #1 was opting to take a bus tour instead of planning the trip myself like I would normally do, but by the time we had decided to go, it was too late to plan anything. Mistake #2 was picking a bus tour run by an Indian company that catered almost exclusively to Indians. I'm not being racist here (I'm Indian too), but tours of this nature tend to be tailored in such a way that one does not fully experience the culture of the place you are visiting.  Mistake #3 was taking the trip with my married couple friends. This part wasn't so bad, because they are practically family, but one can only take so many pictures of a happy couple without feeling a twinge of wanting a partner there too. Mistake #4, perhaps my most grievous error, was forgetting that steak tartare meant raw steak, and eating it anyway, only to end up with a horrendous stomachache and hours of fun twisting in pain.

We began our tour in London, where we boarded our bus early in the morning that first drove to Dover, then boarded a ferry to Calais, and finally made it's way to Paris. We arrived in Paris late in the afternoon, and the first place we visited was the Eiffel tower. We queued up with the rest of our party, took the lift up to the top and drank in the gorgeous views of the city as it spread beneath us. After we had had our fill of gazing upon the sights, we began our journey down on foot, opting to take the stairway instead of the lift and rejoined our tour where our bus was parked. Our tour guide told us that given the alleged lateness of the hour and the fact that our fellow passengers were hungry, the tour would be going to an Indian restaurant for an early dinner and then straight to the hotel and resume the following day. We weren't tired or hungry (having eaten in the little cafe on the tower), so we decided to ditch the tour and go exploring on our own. Armed with a map and a piece of paper with the hotel name, we set off walking along the banks of the Seine. Since it was still light out, we decided to make a fleeting visit to the Louvre to have a quick peek at the Mona Lisa and the Venus De Milo. A quick Google search revealed that the museum would be open until 8 so we hurried and made it with less than an hour to spare. We were warned of the closing time as we bought our tickets, and after consulting with the museum map, raced through the museum to see the Mona Lisa. It wasn't difficult to find, once we were in the right section, all we did was follow the throng of people armed with cameras to a big room only to discover that we had 'bigged' the painting up in our head. It ended up being a little thing on the wall with a big sheet of protective glass around it and more people than at a sale at Primark. Having seen the famed painting, we popped over to the room to see the Venus De Milo, and with no time to see anything else, were ushered out. Yelp suggested a restaurant with authentic French cuisine (the one with the tartare), and a short train ride from the Saint-Germain-des-Prés metro station later, we arrived at our hotel.

The following day was one I was really looking forward to. Disneyland. And I was not disappointed. After hours of doing the rides, eating, hanging with Mickey and crew, we ended the day with a spectacular parade and I was really quite sad that we had to leave. Our tour guide informed us, like the day before, that we would be going to an Indian restaurant for dinner and then straight to the hotel, and because my married couple was tired, I grudgingly consented (and by that I mean I complained non-stop). As expected, the 'restaurant' was a joint owned by the tour company, and the food was terrible. Barely fit for human consumption. And the added bonus of being fed like inmates by staff whose expressions suggested that they would rather be dead, did little to improve my quickly darkening mood. 

Our last day was quite nice, we had a river cruise in the morning and a drive through Champs-Élysées (I would have preferred a stroll, but it was a tour with a deadline), and then we headed back to the UK. Our return was made interesting by a man sneaking on board our bus to illegally cross over to the UK, resulting in a 2 hour delay as they searched every single vehicle at Calais before we were permitted to board the ferry, and the humdinger of a stomachache that nearly drove me to seppuku.

All in all, even though it was in France, it wasn't nearly as French as I had hoped, but still considerably more French than this French toast recipe.

For my Bacon, Cheese, & Jalapeno Stuffed French Toast, you will need the following:

Bread	6 slices
Eggs	2
Bacon	6 rashers
Cheese	3 slices (you can cut them off a block if you want)
Jalapenos	10-12 slices (out of the jar)
Milk	splash
Salt	to taste
Butter

Prep:

1. Crack the eggs into a shallow bowl. (If it recites poetry, it's way too deep.)
2. Splash some milk in.
3. Add salt to taste.
4. Whisk.
5. Fry up the bacon. (Retain the pan and the bacon grease.)
6. Cut/unwrap the cheese slices.

Method:

1. Put a slice of cheese on 3 of the bread slices.
2. Pop 2 rashers of bacon on.
3. Throw on the jalapenos. 
4. Pop the remaining slices of bread onto the topped ones to make 3 sandwiches.
5. Turn on the gas.
6. Bung the bacon pan on.
7. Plop some butter in and watch it blend with the gorgeous bacon grease.
8. Pick a sandwich up and dip it in the egg mixture, making sure to cover it uniformly.
9. Pop it in the pan.
10. Cook on each side for 2-3 minutes. (You'll be able to see when it's done.)
11. Transfer it to a plate.
12. Repeat for the other sandwiches.
13. Turn the gas off.
14. Stuff face.
15. Bask in the glory of your successfully executed dish.

Tip: Never eat Indian food with a bus tour in Europe. 

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy.