Spaghetti In Meat Sauce

Hello, boys and girls!

Welcome to cooking with Varun! In the summer of 2017, I got married. Immediately after, Ball-and-chain and I flew off to live in Durham, England on a project assignment. For a year, we gallivanted across the UK, made a couple of trips to Europe, and shoveled ridiculous amounts of food in our faces like there was no tomorrow until sadly, it was time for us to leave our little home and return to the mothership.

Upon our return to India, we were accosted by family and relatives alike, all descending upon us like famished birds of prey having discovered the road being taken by the Pied Piper, eager to get their fill. Ball-and-chain's north dwelling parents and relatives insisted we visit them, and with the promise of Delhi's most excellent gol gappe and aloo ki chaat as an added incentive, we made our way up the country to our first stop. We arrived in Delhi to a warm welcome at Ball-and-chain's parents' house where we were staying for the next few days. Having never really spent any time with them, I used the time to get to know them and discovered (to my most pleasant surprise) that they were very different from the stubbornly against us people I had met before we were married. As I got to know them, I discovered something most curious. Perhaps it was his conservative upbringing, or perhaps it was just something he wasn't accustomed to, but it seemed like every time there was even the slightest display of affection between Ball-and-chain and myself, my father-in-law would turn and abruptly leave the room. We put this theory to the test on a couple of occasions to be certain and lo and behold, we were right! Armed with this knowledge, we tested it out on her other relatives in Chandigarh and Haryana to hilarious results, until we came to the realization that this reaction was only displayed by her male relatives. While the ladies looked quite pleased, the men would stop talking mid-sentence, spin on their heel, and stiffly exit the room. The remainder of the trip whizzed by with more visiting, road tripping, heel spinning and cash giving (that's right, first time visitors get cash and boy did I make a decent chunk of change) until soon we were back home in Poona. Oh, and there was also the time I walked into a buffalo enclosure owned by Ball-and-chain's grandfather only to cause all the cattle to turn and stare unblinkingly at me for a full minute until I slowly backed out, but that's a story for another time.

While displays of affection might have made Ball-and-chain's relatives uncomfortable (though not nearly as uncomfortable as the staring buffaloes made me), you should show this dish all the affection you possibly can irrespective of how many people vacate the premises!

For my Spaghetti In Meat Sauce, you will need the following:

Spaghetti	300 gms
Mince (meat of choice)	300 gms
Tomatoes	3-4 (or a tin)
Tomato puree	couple of big squirts
Onion	1
Mushrooms	5-6 biggish ones
Green pepper/capsicum	1
Garlic	5-6 cloves
Rosemary	2-3 tsp
Oregano	2-3 tsp
Thyme	2-3 tsp
Paprika	2-3 tsp
Pepper	to taste
Salt	to taste
Sugar	to taste
Olive oil

Prep:

1. Chop the onion. (Not too fine.)
2. Slice the garlic.
3. Blitz the tomatoes. (Be careful you don't cut your finger on the tin if you're using one. If you do, try not to bleed in the sauce!)
4. Slice the mushrooms.
5. Chop the green pepper into smallish cubes.

Method:

1. Turn on the gas.
2. Bung a pan on.
3. Splash in the olive oil.
4. Count to 20.
5. Toss in the onion.
6. Pop in the garlic.
7. Cook until the onion is translucent.
8. Plonk in the mince.
9. Break the mince into smaller pieces and cook it until it reaches a sickly brown. (Or white if you're using chicken or turkey mince.)
10. Pour in the blitzed tomatoes.
11. Squirt in the purée. (This bit is for colour.)
12. Splash in some water (if it is too thick).
13. Throw in the mushrooms.
14. Tip in the green pepper.
15. Sprinkle on the herbs and paprika.
16. Add salt, pepper, and sugar to taste. (The sugar is to balance the tang from the tomatoes.)
17. Mix.
18. Crank the heat up to bring the sauce to a boil.
19. Drop the heat to bring the sauce to a simmer.
20. Slap a lid on.
21. Cook for about 15-20 minutes until the mince is done.
22. Turn the gas off.
23. Turn on another burner.
24. Crank up the heat to high.
25. Pop a saucepan on.
26. Fill it about 3/4 with water.
27. Throw in 2-3 spoonfuls of salt.
28. Bring to a boil.
29. Drop the heat and bring the water to a simmer.
30. Pop in your spaghetti.
31. Cook until the spaghetti is al dente (cooked but has a slight bite).
32. Turn the gas off.
33. Drain the spaghetti.(Reserve some of the pasta water.)
34. Plop the drained spaghetti onto the meat sauce.
35. Mix.
36. Add a splash of the pasta water to give it a nice glossy finish.
37. Mix.
38. Serve topped with grated parmesan and a glass of red.
39. Stuff face.
40. Bask in the glory of your successfully executed dish.

Tip: Salt your pasta water like the sea and you'll never have under-seasoned pasta again.

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy!