Peanut Butter And Banana Milkshake

Hello boys and girls!

You know how you go to a fast food joint or a restaurant and you're browsing through the beverage options on the menu and go, 'Ooh! thick shakes! I want one!' and then you read the list of the overpriced usual suspects of chocolate and strawberry and Oreo (yes, even the Oreo!) and go, 'Meh! I'll just have a beer!'. (No? Must just be me then.)

Now if you're anything like me, I figure you also have sudden urges to guzzle large quantities of ice cold milkshake and then sit back and sigh with contentment with your feet up on the table as you flick through the football games on TV. (Still no? Damn!)

While this isn't exactly cooking, it is still throwing together a bunch of ingredients and crossing your fingers with hope in your eyes and a prayer in your heart (and perhaps a rumble in the tummy) that the result be nothing short of mind-numbingly awesome.

Now while the combination may seem a little strange, I can personally vouch for the explosion of flavour that you will experience and that even after you have drank and chewed your way through a massive glass of this concoction, that you will stick your tongue out to catch the last drop that lies at the bottom of your glass.

You will need the following:

Bananas                          2 (A couple days old)
Peanut butter                  dollop (approximately 1tbsp)
Peanut Butter ice-cream   3 scoops (don't look so forlorn if you don't have any, you can                                       use vanilla. Just add more peanut butter.)
Sugar                              to taste
Milk                                1 glass

Prep:

1. Find your mixer/blender.
2. Mash up the bananas.

Method:

1. Add the mashed bananas to the mixer cup. (Or whatever you blend in using the hand blender.)
2. Add in a dollop of peanut butter.
3. Look around to see if anyone is watching.
4. Lick the peanut butter off the spoon until it's clean.
5. Hold spoon up and wonder why you bother washing up in the first place.
6. Decide not to wash it.
7. Put spoon back into the cutlery drawer.
8. Close drawer.
9. Feel guilty and decide to wash it anyway.
10. Open drawer again only to realize you have no idea which spoon you just put in.
11. Shrug shoulders and get on with it.
12. Add 2 scoops of ice-cream to the mixer cup.
13. Add sugar to taste.
14. Splash in the milk.
15. Put the lid on the mixer cup.
16. Blend the crap out of the mixture.
17. Start pouring the milkshake into the milk glass.
18. Realize it will never fit.
19. Get a much bigger glass.
20. Pour the milkshake into the bigger glass.
21. Add a scoop of ice-cream.
22. Show the milkshake off to whoever is in the vicinity.
23. Grab a spoon to fish out the ice-cream as you drink.
24. Coincidentally grab the spoon you put in without washing.
25. Mentally high-five yourself.
26. Stuff face.
27. Bask in the glory of your successfully executed milkshake.

Tip: Washing spoons after you lick them prevents the spread of germs. Also, try different combinations of milkshakes. The odds that they will suck are pretty low.

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy!

Baked Salmon With Cheesy White Sauce

Hello, boys and girls!

Hello and welcome to another edition of Cooking 101 with me, Varun! (That's how I'm going to say it if I ever get my own TV show!)

The weekend is coming up and I'm sure a lot of you are itching to hit the kitchen and whip up something good but aren't really sure what. I can help you there. (Anyone catch the Harry Potter reference? Huh? Huh?)

So picture this. You've met the most amazing person. You want to spend every waking moment with them. You want to hold hands and go on long walks and have romantic dinners and snuggle up and watch movies. (That's where I stop. The blog is PG after all.) Maybe they have a birthday coming up. Maybe you just want to do something different to make them feel special. (Maybe you just want to cook something for yourself and are using them as an excuse.) You've scoured the internet from end to end and are confused. You're trying to think of something that's light yet filling and doesn't take hours of prep and cooking time. Well, think no more for I have the perfect dish! Yes, I know you know what I'm going to say. Title. Duh!

Now, when it comes to fish, a lot of people have reservations. Everything from too smelly to too many bones to too hard to cook and everything in between. Let me put your fears to rest. This simple (and absolutely gorgeous) dish takes less than 30 minutes to make. No bones. No smell. No fuss.

For my Baked Salmon With Cheesy White Sauce, you will need the following:

For the baked salmon:

Salmon	4 fillets
Garlic	4 or 5 large cloves
Salt	to taste
Pepper	to taste
Dill leaves	small handful (these look like grass and are called सोया in Hindi)
Olive oil

For the white sauce:

Butter	Knob
Onion	1
Flour	2 tbsp
Milk	1 cup (more or less, depending on how thick you want the sauce)
Mushrooms	4 large
Cheese	1 cup (or more)
Mustard	1 tbsp
Salt	taste
Pepper	taste
Dill Leaves	handful

Prep:

1. Mince the garlic.
2. Chop up the dill leaves. (Dill and salmon is a match made in heaven!)
3. Slice the onion.
4. Thinly slice the mushrooms.
5. Grate the cheese.

Method:

Baked salmon:

1. Pre-heat the oven to 180 degrees.
2. Lay the salmon fillets skin down on a board.
3. Sprinkle some olive oil on the fillets.
4. Sprinkle some salt and pepper on each fillet.
5. Massage in the salt and pepper. (Fingers! Show it some love!)
6. Add generous portions of the minced garlic on each fillet.
7. Sprinkle the dill leaves on each fillet. 
8. Get a baking tray.
9. Splash in some olive oil.
10. Lay the fillets in the baking tray.
11. Cover the baking tray with aluminum foil. (This will keep your fish moist and tender.)
12. Bung it in the oven for about 12-15 minutes. (Or until you can smell the fish.)

White Sauce:

1. Melt the butter in a pan.
2. Add in the sliced onion.
3. Cook for about 10 minutes on low to medium heat until the onion goes translucent.
4. Add in the flour.
5. Add in a splash of milk.
6. Mix like mad until the flour and milk make a paste.
7. Keep mixing until you've worked out all the lumps in the paste.
8. Splash in some more milk to thin down the paste.
9. Mix like mad. 
10. Stop to massage your aching arm.
11. Continue mixing.
12. Add in the salt and pepper. 
13. Mix. 
14. Taste test.
15. Add in the mushrooms.
16. Mix.
17. Add in the cheese.
18. Mix until the cheese melts.
19. Splash in some milk to bring the sauce to your desired thickness.
20. Add in the mustard.
21. Mix.
22. Taste test.
23. Add in the dill.
24. Mix.
25. Let it simmer for a few minutes.

Plating:

1. Put a fillet of the fish on a plate.
2. Drizzle over the sauce. 
3. Uncork a bottle of some nice white wine.
4. Stuff face.
5. Bask in the glory of your successfully executed dish.

Tip: Bake the fish and make the white sauce in parallel because you want both things to be hot when you serve them. You can get started on the sauce once you put the salmon in the oven. Also, since there are a lot of strong flavours in this dish, if you plan to kiss after dinner, pop in a breath mint.

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy!

Naked Dal

Hello boys and girls!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What do you think you're doing? Put that away! One glimpse of the 'N' word and it's got you all worked up! (No, not that 'N' word! Only 50 Cent uses that one!)

Hello again boys and girls!

Now, I know I'm only 3 posts old but I can sense that you've missed me! (especially you, wink, wink, nudge, nudge!)

I hope you (and your kitchen) have recovered from your burns and blisters after what has no doubt been a weekend of culinary brilliance and are raring to learn something new.

Let me paint you a picture. You're out for a meal. You want some good old fashioned desi grub. You've ordered your spicy tikkas. You've ordered your hearty rogan josh. You've ordered butter naans as warm and soft as sheets fresh out of the dryer on a cold winter's day. You've got drool on your trousers because you've been imagining all this food and forgot to close your mouth. But what you don't have is the holy grail. The one thing that makes all meals complete. You oft find it lurking in the background. Maybe it's already sitting in the middle of your food laden table. Quiet. Inconspicuous. Delicious in ways that only it can be. 

I'm speaking of course of dal. Dal. Yellow or green or brown or black, dal has always got your back!

So I'm sure you're wondering, 'Naked Dal? Since when has dal been, well, not naked?'. Everyone knows how versatile dal is. From vadas to dhansak, dal is an integral part of Indian cuisine and can be made in more ways than I care to count but I figured we'd start with the basic, no frills, all flavour, 'naked' dal.

You will need the following:

Toor dal                              1 glass (because toor dal is my favourite)

Mustard seeds                     1 tbsp

Green chillies                      depending on how brave you are

Garlic                                 3 (or more) cloves

Haldi                                  pinch

Salt                                    to taste    

Coriander (dhaniya) leaves

Ghee                              

 

Prep:

1. Locate your pressure cooker and blow the dust off it (Try not to let the dust go up your nose!).
2. Dump the dal in the pressure cooker and wash it 2 or 3 times in cold water.
3. Locate the mustard seeds from the dusty depths of your kitchen cabinet.
4. Chop the green chillies.
5. Chop the garlic cloves.
6. Roughly chop the coriander leaves.

Method:

1. Turn the gas on and bung the pressure cooker on the burner.
2. Add water to the cooker so that the dal is submerged under about 2 fingers of water.
3. Boot your laptop to Google what 2 fingers of water means.
4. Discover what 2 fingers of water means.
5. Hurl mental curses at me.
6. Realize your dal is starting to stick to the bottom of the very hot pressure cooker.
7. Quickly add water to the cooker.
8. Add the haldi and a sprinkle of salt.
9. Struggle with the lid of the pressure cooker for a few minutes.
10. Consult with your roommate on how to close the damn thing.
11. Finally mange to lock the lid in.
12. Crank the burner up to about medium (unless it was already there).
13. Wait for the pressure cooker to whistle.
14. Take a walk around the house.
15. Come running back when you hear the first whistle.
16. Gaze sadly at the yellow dal water coming out of the whistle and realize you might have put in a little too much water.
17. Wait for another 3 whistles.
18. Reach for the burner to turn it off and decide to wait for another whistle for good luck.
19. Receive whistle with an ear to ear grin.
20. Turn off the gas and wait for the rest of the steam to escape the cooker.
21. Turn on another burner.
22. Pop a pan on the burner.
23. Add 2 tbsps of ghee to the pan.
24. Tell your roommate about how your mom cooks dal in ghee.
25. Reminisce.
26. When the ghee is hot, toss in the mustard seeds.
27. Screech and jump back looking for a lid to foil the popping seeds' bid to freedom.
28. Add the garlic and chillies and move them around for a minute with a wooden spoon. 
29. Turn off the burner.
30. Realize that the steam hasn't all left and attempt to manually release it.
31. Use fingers to pull the weight up.
32. Burn fingers.
33. Use spoon instead.
34. Unlock the pressure cooker lid. 
35. Turn the burner on.
36. Add water to the dal if it's gone too thick. If it hasn't cooked all the way through, splash in some water and give it another whistle or two.
37. If it's too runny, crank the heat up until some of the water evaporates.
38. Mix in the contents of your pan.
39. Cook for a few.
40. Turn off burner.
41. Sprinkle the chopped coriander leaves.
42. Take the dal to the table.
43. Stuff face.
44. Bask in the glory of your successfully executed dish.

Grown-up dal with tadka and masalas soon!

Tip: If your roommate has bought some of those sad red lentils you don't like, and you don't want to throw them away but you'd rather die before you ate them, add in a 1/4 glass with every glass of toor dal. It's virtually undetectable and adds to the flavour. Also, the number of whistles you wait for depend on the quality of the dal, the amount of water and the size of your cooker, if your dal is over or under cooked, adjust the number of whistles in your next attempt.

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy!

Rice Rice Baby!

Hello Vanilla Ice fans! (and the rest of you lot)

You've probably guessed from the title and the greeting that this post is all about rice. Now, you're probably thinking, 'Rice? Monkeys can make rice!', but believe you me, I've had some absolutely terrible rice over the years (I'm Indian, not Chinese! Rice should only be lumpy if you're eating with chopsticks!) and since we are starting from the basics, I figured, why not? (Plus I came up with these really nifty instruction lyrics that you can rap to to the Ice Ice Baby music). If you've been living under a rock all these years or are too young to have heard this masterpiece, you can find it here.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rog8ou-ZepE

The instruction lyrics for you to practice your rapping skills on are:

(Rice rice baby.. Rice rice baby)
Alright stop! Making rice in my kitchen,
To eat with my dal and my pork and my chicken.
(Wash it!)
Put 'em in a bowl,
Rinse thrice with water, make sure it's cold.
(Cooking)
Add twice the water,
Splash some salt and ghee in, watch it get hotter.
(Boiling)
Slow the gas down,
Move half the lid off, so the bubbles go down!
(Wait)
For 20 minutes or so,
The rice is all fluffy and it's ready to go.
(Chow down)
Get it while it's hot,
Put your dal and curry on, right on top.
(Rice rice baby.. Rice rice baby)
Word to your mother!
(Rice rice baby.. Rice rice baby)       

So that's how you make your regular rice in a patila on the gas.

For microwave cooking, same thing, no lid.. 25 minutes.

For jeera rice, heat up a big blob of ghee in a a pan, toss in the jeera until it ceases to snap, crackle and pop. Add it to the rice then proceed to cook normally.

For yellow rice (as with chole), add haldi along with the ghee and salt.

For herb butter rice (as an accompaniment to continental food), swap the ghee with a big chunk of butter, throw in a sprig of rosemary, some thyme, some chopped dill leaves, coriander, chopped chillies and oregano. 

If you're making rice in a pressure cooker.. don't. More often than not, it comes out gloopy.

Pulaos and biryani soon!  

Tip: Use basmati rice. You can use other varieties if you want but I personally prefer basmati.

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy!

Paneer Masala (with training wheels)

Hello boys and girls!

Someone once told me, the trick to getting over stage fright is to imagine your audience in their underwear. Now I'm sitting in a cushy chair and there isn't a stage in sight but that doesn't mean I can't still imagine it can I? You over there, the girl with the brown eyes and black hair.. Yes you.. How you doing? ;)

So I thought we'd start off with an easy one.. Paneer Masala. The training wheels mean we'll be cheating and using paste instead of mixing the masalas in ourselves (at least until you're confident that you're ready to graduate to the next level). Now non-vegetarians, don't look so downcast, I'm a hardcore carnivore just like you and we will come to meat soon.

For my Paneer Masala, you will need the following:

Paneer	250 gms
Capsicum/Green pepper	1 medium
Onions	1 large (or 2 medium)
Tomatoes	3 (or 3/4th of a tin)
Green Chillies	2
Jeera (cumin)	2 tsp
Salt	to taste
Oil
Generic Indian masala paste

Prep:

1. If you've got store bought paneer (which is bloody obvious), get the plastic off, put the paneer in a pan or bowl, add water until the paneer is submerged and stick it in the microwave for 2 minutes.
2. Once the microwave *dings*, get the paneer out and cut it into cubes.
3. Cut the capsicum into cubes.
4. Finely chop the onion(s).
5. Finely chop the tomatoes. (or open the tin.. DO NOT cut your hand on the edge!)
6. Finely chop the chillies.
7. Look around and open the paste bottle when no one is watching. (Hold it away from your white shirt!)

Method: 

1. Put your gas on. By that I mean light your burner and set it to medium.
2. Bung a pan/kadhai on the burner. 
3. Splash a tablespoon or so of oil in the kadhai (not really splash because that's just wasting!).
4. Count to 20 until your oil heats up (or you could hum and look out the window).
5. Add the jeera to the oil to brown it and panic because it starts to crackle.
6. Add the onions and leap back in fear because of the oil starting to sputter (this is because of the water in the onions).
7. Dig deep and find the courage to slowly approach the pan and wince as the last few spatters of oil hit your skin.
8. Add in the chillies.
9. Stick your face close to the pan and take a deep breath.
10. Cough because of the pungent chillies.
11. Keep moving the onions around until they are golden brown. (Use a spatula or a wooden spoon. I prefer a wooden spoon).
12. Look at the recommended amount of paste to be added as stated on the back of the bottle.
13. Ignore it.
14. Add 1/2 more than what the bottle says.
15. Mix the paste in with the onions and cook for a couple of minutes.
16. Marvel at your handiwork and imagine cooking in your own restaurant until you smell the paste starting to burn.
17. Rescue the burning paste by adding in the tomatoes. (The water in the tomatoes helps deglaze the kadhai i.e. gets the sticky bits off the bottom)
18. Mix in the tomatoes and cook for a few minutes.
19. Throw in the paneer.
20. Plonk in the capsicum.
21. Mix and cook for a few minutes.
22. Add 2 cups of water. (Depending on whether you want to eat it with rotis or rice).
23. Add salt to taste.
24. Drop the heat to low, cover the kadhai and wander around the house wondering when your food will be ready.
25. Check in about 10 minutes to test if the paneer and capsicum are cooked.
26. Once cooked, turn off the gas. Do a taste test for salt. If it's gone too salty, add some cream to bring it down a notch (add the cream in after you turn the heat off else the cream might split). Take the kadhai to the table (since you probably don't have a serving bowl). Serve with rice or rotis.
27. Stuff face.
28. Bask in the glory of your successfully executed dish.

Tip: If you spill any on your clothes, call your mom to ask how to clean it up. If your mom doesn't answer the phone, don't lose hope! A little talcum powder on the stain will make it better.

That was recipe number 1. For more recipes, stay tuned.

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy!

Cooking 101

Hey!

Right.. So this is the first time I've ever blogged (or should I say first time I'm blogging?) so I'm not sure what the protocol is but from the handful of blogs I've ever read, it looks like anything goes (as long as it doesn't piss people off!).

So why am I blogging? I mean, blogging has been around for a while now and I've never really bothered to even read anything (apart from reviews that Google throws up) let alone write something for the general populous, but if you've had a browse through my wee 'introduction', you'll know I enjoy cooking (really enjoy cooking) and from the pictures of food that has resulted from my 'mad-scientist' like cooking that I've put up on Facebook, I've had a few friends request recipes and I figured the easiest way to share them is to type them up in a convenient location where the world can see! (I'm going to pretend that this does not make me nervous at all!)

Now, I'm not a chef or a cook (or even your mom), I'm a regular guy who loves to cook (but not nearly as much as I love to eat! Nothing beats an old fashioned face stuffing!) so some of the recipes I put up might have words like 'dollop' or 'smidge' or 'lashings' or 'chunks' or.. well you get the point. I've been cooking since mid 2011 (you can calculate how long I've been exercising my culinary prowess), mainly because I was living away from home and I missed home cooking (it's true, I missed my mom's cooking.. I'm a mama's boy!) so most recipes are traditional Punjabi food but I like to experiment so you'll also find recipes spanning different cuisines. I can't promise how they will turn out at first but I can guarantee that the more you cook, the better you will get (there's a bit of advice for your life in general.. and it's free!).

The blog is titled 'Cooking 101'. Perhaps incorrectly since I'm not qualified to give anyone cooking lessons but I will attempt to take you through a learning curve, not unlike mine, starting with using ready-made paste and then on to growing a pair and abandoning them altogether.

If you have tips on how to improve my recipes or have better recipes altogether, drop me a line. Suggestions are always welcome!