Paneer Masala (with training wheels)

Hello boys and girls!

Someone once told me, the trick to getting over stage fright is to imagine your audience in their underwear. Now I'm sitting in a cushy chair and there isn't a stage in sight but that doesn't mean I can't still imagine it can I? You over there, the girl with the brown eyes and black hair.. Yes you.. How you doing? ;)

So I thought we'd start off with an easy one.. Paneer Masala. The training wheels mean we'll be cheating and using paste instead of mixing the masalas in ourselves (at least until you're confident that you're ready to graduate to the next level). Now non-vegetarians, don't look so downcast, I'm a hardcore carnivore just like you and we will come to meat soon.

For my Paneer Masala, you will need the following:

Paneer	250 gms
Capsicum/Green pepper	1 medium
Onions	1 large (or 2 medium)
Tomatoes	3 (or 3/4th of a tin)
Green Chillies	2
Jeera (cumin)	2 tsp
Salt	to taste
Oil
Generic Indian masala paste

Prep:

1. If you've got store bought paneer (which is bloody obvious), get the plastic off, put the paneer in a pan or bowl, add water until the paneer is submerged and stick it in the microwave for 2 minutes.
2. Once the microwave *dings*, get the paneer out and cut it into cubes.
3. Cut the capsicum into cubes.
4. Finely chop the onion(s).
5. Finely chop the tomatoes. (or open the tin.. DO NOT cut your hand on the edge!)
6. Finely chop the chillies.
7. Look around and open the paste bottle when no one is watching. (Hold it away from your white shirt!)

Method: 

1. Put your gas on. By that I mean light your burner and set it to medium.
2. Bung a pan/kadhai on the burner. 
3. Splash a tablespoon or so of oil in the kadhai (not really splash because that's just wasting!).
4. Count to 20 until your oil heats up (or you could hum and look out the window).
5. Add the jeera to the oil to brown it and panic because it starts to crackle.
6. Add the onions and leap back in fear because of the oil starting to sputter (this is because of the water in the onions).
7. Dig deep and find the courage to slowly approach the pan and wince as the last few spatters of oil hit your skin.
8. Add in the chillies.
9. Stick your face close to the pan and take a deep breath.
10. Cough because of the pungent chillies.
11. Keep moving the onions around until they are golden brown. (Use a spatula or a wooden spoon. I prefer a wooden spoon).
12. Look at the recommended amount of paste to be added as stated on the back of the bottle.
13. Ignore it.
14. Add 1/2 more than what the bottle says.
15. Mix the paste in with the onions and cook for a couple of minutes.
16. Marvel at your handiwork and imagine cooking in your own restaurant until you smell the paste starting to burn.
17. Rescue the burning paste by adding in the tomatoes. (The water in the tomatoes helps deglaze the kadhai i.e. gets the sticky bits off the bottom)
18. Mix in the tomatoes and cook for a few minutes.
19. Throw in the paneer.
20. Plonk in the capsicum.
21. Mix and cook for a few minutes.
22. Add 2 cups of water. (Depending on whether you want to eat it with rotis or rice).
23. Add salt to taste.
24. Drop the heat to low, cover the kadhai and wander around the house wondering when your food will be ready.
25. Check in about 10 minutes to test if the paneer and capsicum are cooked.
26. Once cooked, turn off the gas. Do a taste test for salt. If it's gone too salty, add some cream to bring it down a notch (add the cream in after you turn the heat off else the cream might split). Take the kadhai to the table (since you probably don't have a serving bowl). Serve with rice or rotis.
27. Stuff face.
28. Bask in the glory of your successfully executed dish.

Tip: If you spill any on your clothes, call your mom to ask how to clean it up. If your mom doesn't answer the phone, don't lose hope! A little talcum powder on the stain will make it better.

That was recipe number 1. For more recipes, stay tuned.

And remember, overeating is a myth. A full tummy is a happy tummy!